Rajiv and Upasana have been
married for three years. In recent times, they have been facing many issues in
their marriage. The time they spent together had reduced and they had almost
stopped communicating. They had started arguing over small issues. They could
never agree upon the program that they watched on television or the restaurant
that they went to eat on weekends. They had started to find fault with each
other over trivial issues and though both of them realized, that there was no
justification in their arguments, their ego stood between them. They did not
care to apologize or resolve the issue. They termed it as ‘Compatibility’ problem.
The Mishra’s have been married
for twenty-eight years. Their marriage life has weathered many storms but
still they were happy with each other and enjoyed each other’s company. Mr. Mishra had once financially lost a couple
of lakhs in shares and trade, which he had not disclosed to his wife. When Mrs.
Mishra later came to know of it, she felt cheated. However, as time passed she
was able forgive him and move on. Now, although they have been married for
twenty-eight years, they were the best of couple and companions. The degree of
compatibility is more in the second example than the first one. Be it three years or twenty eight years, it is not the number of years but it is the element of understanding, that which is important for a successful relationship.
In one of my previous articles on
Relationship, I had mentioned that lack of compatibility is an important reason
for marriages turning sour. What is this word compatibility? Why has the term
gained such an important status in the modern day relationship?
Compatibility means when two people have the same opinion and view on
matters that are of significant importance to both of them and are able to
reach an agreeable decision. Compatibility is necessary for all relationships
but is most important between the man and wife.
Nobody is perfect. All of us have our flaws.
Is there anybody who can say that they have never had an argument with their
partner? All of us have difference of opinions on various issues because every
individual is a separate entity. However, the fact is how soon are we able to
resolve our differences and move ahead. When problems are not resolved and when
agreeable decisions are not reached, that is when compatibility issues arise.
Having an argument is healthy for a relationship. Only when two people interact
and give their own ideas and views on matters of importance, can both the
partners look at the flip side of their views. However, compatibility issues
crop up when the argument is for a silly reason and when there is no
justification for the difference of opinions.
People who are facing
compatibility issues should look at the bigger picture of life. Just a few
moments of disagreement does not mean that you are having compatibility
problems or having frequent arguments also does not mean that you are facing a
storm in your relationship. Self-introspection is necessary to realize where
the fault lies and with whom? It is
essential to remember that it is not the intensity of the problem, but it is
blowing the problem out of proportion that which causes compatibility issues. I
know of people who are poles apart in their personality but are the best of
partners in life because they complement each other. This is what keeps the
relationship thriving.
There are three C’s that which are essential and complement
compatibility.
Communication is very important for a marriage to succeed. The more
we communicate the lesser are the conflicts. If there are any unresolved issues
that need attention, DO NOT postpone resolving them. There is no problem in the
world that cannot be resolved if we take the time to sit down and talk.
However, if it is best to just sleep over the issue then it is better to
maintain silence because time will ease the problem. Nevertheless, deciding to
sit down and talk or to maintain silence depends on the intensity of the
problem and the approach of the partners because they are the best judge to
decide about their priorities.
Companionship is essential for a successful married life. Treat
your partner like a friend. Just as how we would forgive, our friends, for the
mistakes that they make, learn to forgive your partner as well for the small
mistakes that he/she commits. Never blow small issues out of proportion. When
you have committed the mistake, do not hesitate to say a sorry. It is not going
to cost you anything .Let go of the ego, which is the biggest enemy to any
relationship.
Compromising is another important element for a successful
marriage. Always have a give and take policy. There is nothing to lose by
giving in once awhile. Never play the
blame game. As somebody said”In marriage, compromise nurtures the
relationship. It is about doing something, even when you don’t want to”
Life is short. We are the best
judge to decide whether we have compatibility or not with our partner. Never
let an outsider interfere and decide for you because;
“There are a lot of people in the
world. No one ever sees everything the same way you do; it just doesn't happen.
So, when you find one person who gets a couple of things, especially if they're
important ones... you might as well hold on to them. You know”
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